


You Can Rest Now, Love

by one_black_coffee



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Couch Cuddles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Soft Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, They both do, neil just needs some rest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 02:22:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30115719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/one_black_coffee/pseuds/one_black_coffee
Summary: Neil sighed and closed his eyes, letting his head fall farther back on Andrew’s shoulder. He was exhausted and every part of his body burned. The hoodie had helped in that it kept anything else from touching his overly sensitive skin but it didn’t do much else. Distractions like the cats and tea and movie were nothing more than that: distractions. Andrew was always the closest he could get to comfort. The insistence that neither he nor Andrew were answers to each other’s problems continued to ring true, though that didn’t mean they didn’t provide more relief from those problems than anything else.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 61





	You Can Rest Now, Love

It wasn’t all that often that Neil’s scars hurt anymore. Occasionally, they’d burn with reminders of the past and he’d cover up as much as possible in hopes of smothering the flames. But the aching feeling of pain was rare by the time he and Andrew had adopted King and Sir. When they did spike, there was no touching. Andrew understood--- the cats didn’t but that was hardly an issue. Andrew didn’t question him, sticking to a safe distance away while still lending his presence to keep Neil grounded.

A long day of practices and being forced to stay civil with reporters had his skin itching. Not necessarily his scars, just his entire body. He was tired and sore all over, having spoken to far too many people over the course of the day, none of whom he particularly liked. Despite prying questions, Neil kept himself--- mostly--- in check with the press, though that didn’t make the hollowed out feeling in his chest any better.

Routine and the knowledge that Andrew would be gone all day too kept him from blowing off his obligations around noon and heading home. There would be time in the evening to be with Andrew and the cats, he told himself. There always was, and if there weren’t, Andrew would have told him.

When he did finally make it back, the door was locked and the lights were off. Sometimes Andrew made it back first, sometimes Neil did. They hardly had a strict schedule most days so it wasn’t a surprise to not find Andrew. Faintly disheartening that he wasn’t able to throw himself at Andrew immediately? Yes. But King was perched on the half wall next to the apartment door, watching Neil and crying for attention while Sir ignored him in favor of a nap. 

“It’s nice to see you, too, King.” Neil dropped his keys and phone on the wall beside King and scratched beneath her chin, feeling the gentle purr under his fingertips and smiling. He was growing accustomed to the softness that accompanied him around the cats--- “the children” as he insisted they were whether or not Andrew agreed (He did.) It was a smaller way to learn how to deal with the real world. Sir and King were both sweet and made Neil smile. That was a simple concept to grasp. There was nothing malicious about them. Learning to take the kindness and return it without a power grab somewhere in between was easier with the cats than with most humans.

King rubbed her head against Neil’s hand then jumped down from the wall and trotted over to Sir. Sir stirred briefly, opening her eyes to look at Neil and King, before closing them again and resuming her nap. King swatted at her sister’s face lightly, looking for a playmate, and continued to do so until Sir swiped out her own paw. Then, King took off running, followed in quick succession by Sir. Neil heard the sound of something smashing into a wall and then the sound of claws skittering on the tile floors.

“Idiots,” He mumbled, though he was smiling to himself. He loved their stupid cats just as much as Andrew did and was happy to say he knew the cats loved them back. That was another easy thing about the cats. Love. Truly unconditional and with no strings. He and Andrew fed them and gave them water and bought them toys on their way home some days. The cats, not in return but simply because they could and wanted to, curled up on their laps and shared the bed with them for the majority of the night. They meowed at Neil and Andrew during conversations and bumped their little heads against their legs. Unselfish love that Neil had never felt before the Foxes. Except it was simplified to a point even he and Andrew could grasp.

Neil headed back to the bedroom, rubbing at his arms. Petting King had only been a minor distraction from his discomfort. He grabbed the first piece of large clothing he found in the closet--- Andrew’s overly-huge hoodie. Andrew liked it for the size and Neil liked it because it smelled like Andrew. Having the thick fabric over his skin was comforting, dulling the sensitivity slightly. It was better than nothing. Plus, Andrew should be getting back soon enough so there wouldn’t be a need for scent caught in fabric. He shrugged it on after discarding his own shirt and went back to the living area.

The jingling bell from a favored cat toy was heard somewhere in the kitchen. Sir had once again curled herself into a ball and had her eyes closed on a blanket on the sofa. Neil leaned over to kiss the top of her head and scratch behind her ears. “How was your day, Sir?”

Sir ignored him.

“Good cat,” He whispered and walked back to the kitchen. King had reappeared, taking her position on the wall once more. She watched Neil open the cabinet above the sink and take out two mugs--- a pair set of cartoon foxes Nicky and Erik gifted them as a housewarming--- while the kettle slowly boiled water. Next, the carton of chocolate powder Andrew liked to put in his water and a tea bag of peach tea were set next to their respective mugs.

It had taken a long time for Neil to even consider trying  _ flavored _ tea. He’d gotten used to his generally plain or dulled teas and flavoring sounded frivolous and stupid. Allison, however, had locked him out of movie night with the Foxes until he tried the mango tea Dan had gotten at the shop. He complied, only because he would have rathered spent the night with the team than his schoolwork. After that, he started to drink some of the flavored teas Andrew brought home for him. Peach had become a favorite, especially after long days.

He turned to lean back against the counter and looked at King who returned his look with a tilted head. “Think your other dad wants marshmallows?” King blinked. “I agree. He is a little sugar gremlin.” King blinked again and Neil pushed himself towards the pantry where he grabbed a bag of the large marshmallows and brought them back to be placed next to Andrew’s mug.

The kettle clicked off in signal of its boiling water and Neil picked it up off its stand. He poured the hot water into his own mug first, dropping in the tea bag, then poured water into Andrew’s. It’d been long enough that he knew how Andrew liked his drinks so he went ahead and scooped in the powder and dropped three marshmallows in along with it, stirring with a spoon. Andrew refused to drink anything that could burn his tongue unless he was antagonized into doing so, so letting it sit until he arrived seemed fine to Neil.

He walked over to King, with tea in hand, and rubbed the bridge of her nose with his thumb. “Wanna watch a movie?” King purred happily under the attention. Neil decided that was a yes and left to sit on the couch, King following behind him.

Neil settled on the end closest to the door while King jumped up and settled in behind Neil’s head, wrapped almost around him like a little scarf. Sir perked up at the new presence, stretched with a yawn, and made her way onto Neil’s lap, though she acted as if it were a great inconvenience in her life. Neil rested the tea on the arm of the sofa and his other on Sir’s back. “You act like Andrew. Tiny asshole.”

Neither cat reacted to his words.

The softness and undeniable love of the cats reduced the incessant thrumming of pain throughout his body, but not enough to sit comfortably in silence. He and Andrew could sit in total silence and that was more than enough of a distraction, but sitting alone with the cats in silence wasn’t enough. He reached for the TV remote, careful to not disturb the sleeping cat on his lap, and powered it on.

The first program he saw was a true crime documentary. In a fucked up numbness and sense of hilarity at their own traumas, he and Andrew spent many nights on the couch watching true crime docs or police shows. The familiarly harsh words of violence and mystery only set Neil on edge then. He didn’t want to be reminded nor to mock his past. He wanted to escape it and live only in the life he had found for himself.

The next channel was a news station, for which Neil had no interest. He flipped through channel after channel, nothing grabbing his attention. He settled for a movie that seemed to be around the halfway point. Time skipped and slowed at its own leisure, making Neil completely unaware of how long he sat there waiting for Andrew. Certainly it must have been at least ten minutes, but Neil really couldn’t say. The constant tickle of King’s breath on the back of his neck and Sir’s body moving with her own breath were the only indicators that time was indeed passing outside of the TV.

His tea was still hot enough to burn his mouth if he wasn’t careful when Andrew walked through the door. Sir looked up and, upon realizing it was Andrew, ran over to the door to head-butt Andrew’s legs. King stayed asleep with Neil.

Andrew placed his keys and phone beside Neil’s on the wall then crouched down to give his attention to Sir. He mumbled words to her as she purred and meowed but Neil couldn’t fully make out what was said, caught up in the feeling of his skin.

Sir followed Andrew back to the sofa and jumped onto the blanket next to Neil, kneading it slowly. Andrew leaned against the arm of the sofa opposite Neil. The  _ “Minyard” _ printed in white letters on the breast of the hoodie didn’t escape him. Neil and Andrew wore each other’s clothing, that wasn’t anything new, but Neil liked to hide in that hoodie. Andrew gave him space. “What’re you watching?”

“Dunno. It was the only thing that looked interesting. The kids don’t like it very much. Fell asleep on me, both of them.” He gestured to where King had her head tucked into her paws and where Sir had put her head into the blanket, eyes closed.

“King’s going to wake up and fall off the back of the sofa,” Andrew said.

Neil sighed in agreement. It wouldn’t be the first time. “There’s hot chocolate for you in the kitchen. It should still be fairly warm.”

Andrew raised an eyebrow and, when he didn’t get more of an explanation, he went to find the hot chocolate. He rolled his eyes when he saw the mug Neil had chosen but picked it up and took a small sip anyway. Not at all surprised that Neil knew just how Andrew liked his drink, he walked back to the living room and set the mug down on the coffee table. Neil watched him, more interested in Andrew than the movie. When he started to walk past Neil again, Neil reached out to grab Andrew’s sleeve.

“Are you coming back?”

Andrew narrowed his eyes, not sure what the uncertainty in Neil’s voice meant. “Yes, Neil. I’m coming back. I just want to change.”

Neil nodded and let go of Andrew. “Only if you want to.”

There were nerves in Neil’s voice that weren’t entirely foreign but weren’t a familiar part of life. A shaky nervousness that Andrew didn’t want around. He brushed back Neil’s hair and placed a soft kiss to his forehead. “Shut up, I don’t do anything I don’t want to. I’ll be right back.” And walked back to their bedroom to change.

Neil pulled the sleeves of the hoodie over his hands to keep himself from scratching his skin raw. Breathing was becoming forced as his heart threatened to speed up and Neil did all he could to keep that from happening. Both King and Sir stayed asleep.

Andrew emerged from the bedroom a minute later, wearing sweats and a t-shirt. The armbands had been left behind. Neil pulled his legs closer to himself to give Andrew room to sit next to Sir. In truth, Neil wanted Andrew closer to him rather than farther. Andrew was his home and Andrew meant safety.

Before Andrew completely settled in, Neil asked, “Hey, Drew? Yes or no?”

Andrew looked up at Neil, halfway to tucking his legs under him so as to not disturb Sir. Everything about this felt different. Not in a way that made Andrew’s skin prickle and told him to run, just different. He told himself that was okay. “Yes.”

“Sit with me?”

Confused, Andrew replied, “I am sitting with you.”

Neil shook his head, pulling the hoodie around him tighter. “That’s not-- what I meant. I meant-- just--”

Andrew moved closer just a little, petting Sir so his hand was close to Neil. “Slow down.”

Sighing, Neil shut his eyes and pressed the heels of his palms against them. He took three deep breaths, trying to find the best way to say that he just wanted Andrew close enough to touch. “I’m tired and my skin feels like it’s burning. Will you come sit with me because I want to be able to feel you near me? I won’t try to touch you or anything,” He added, to make Andrew more comfortable.

Needing no more explanation, Andrew stood and offered his hands to Neil with a simple, “Stand up.” Slightly confused but trusting Andrew, Neil stood and let Andrew take his place on the sofa. King woke up long enough only to acknowledge Neil had been replaced by Andrew then put her head back down. Andrew held his hand out to Neil again. “Do you want to sit or what?”

Neil took the hand extended to him but didn’t move past that. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. This is okay with me if it’s okay with you.”

“It is.” He gingerly sat between Andrew’s legs, his back barely touching Andrew’s chest. This is what he wanted and it took willpower to keep himself from melting into Andrew immediately and letting himself just be held. He kept himself still, leaning against Andrew but not too much.

“Relax.” Andrew gently pulled on Neil’s shoulders to get him to actually lean back. “You can touch me. Just relax, would you?” There was an edge of impatience in his voice as he waited for Neil to give in and let himself be held.

“You don’t have to—”

Andrew cut him off with a hand over his mouth, pressing enough to get through to Neil but no more than that. “For the last time: shh.”

Andrew removed his hand when Neil nodded and sank back into him. Whatever movie Neil had been watching was still playing in the background, having come to its climax, while King sleepily tried to eat Andrew’s hair. Andrew stayed still while Neil settled in--- pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his hands, still covered in the hoodie, in the space between; the hoodie was too thick to feel the heat of Andrew’s skin, something Neil greatly resented--- then wrapped one arm around Neil’s waist and placed the other on his thigh.

Cuddling wasn’t anything new. Casual touch had eventually become easy, too. Neil leaned down to give Andrew kisses at random and wasn’t punched nor threatened for it. At night, they both had discovered the weight of the other to be soothing and reassuring after some time. Andrew slept with his arm extended under Neil’s pillow and Neil slept with his shirt off and Andrew’s fingers on his scars. They found ways to satisfy their desire to be close and keep from setting off alarms in their minds when they woke up to someone in their bed. It had gotten easier with time. And, with the privacy of their own apartment, soft touching extended to the rest of their space. Watching movies together generally meant they would somehow end up tangled together. It was a feeling of safety for them both.

Neil sitting with his back pressed to Andrew’s chest was no different. When he moved one hand to find Andrew’s to hold, Andrew wasn’t surprised. He let Neil drag his hand off his thigh and entwined their fingers together. The tension in Neil’s body had subsided slightly, though Andrew could still feel it. So could Neil but he was doing his best to pay attention to the feeling of Andrew rather than his skin.

“Your stupid cat keeps trying to eat my hair,” Andrew said, not willing to pull either of his hands away from Neil long enough to shoo King away.

“ _ Your _ cat ignored me entirely when I got home today.”

“That’s because you’re obnoxious.”

“You’re short.” Neil played with Andrew’s fingers, an action that wasn’t completely conscious nor subconscious. Neil liked being able to hold Andrew’s hand while also occupying his mind and Andrew never complained.

“I could still kick your ass.”

Neil laughed, small but genuine. “You wish.”

Andrew huffed but didn’t argue. He could be petty all he wanted, it wouldn’t change the fact that Neil was right and they both knew it. Instead, he slid his hand under Neil’s hoodie, resting over a small clump of scars on his stomach, and waited for a reaction.

Neil sighed and closed his eyes, letting his head fall farther back on Andrew’s shoulder. He was exhausted and every part of his body burned. The hoodie had helped in that it kept anything else from touching him but it didn’t do much else. Distractions like the cats and tea and movie were nothing more than that: distractions. Andrew was always the closest he could get to comfort. The insistence that neither he nor Andrew were answers to each other’s problems continued to ring true, though that didn’t mean they didn’t provide more relief from those problems than anything else.

Andrew didn’t comment on how overheated Neil’s skin was, just pressed his hand more firmly against him. He knew the touch couldn’t do much more than temporary relief but that was better than nothing. Alternating between simply brushing his thumb over Neil’s skin and rubbing slow circles against scars, Andrew remained silent until Neil spoke.

It was barely above a whisper when Neil did speak. “Been a long day.”

“I noticed,” Andrew said.

Neil laughed again, smaller than before. Neil wasn’t supposed to sound like that. Only when he was tired and half asleep did Neil ever sound small. He was  _ known _ for tearing people to shreds with his words. Quiet and small were not words associated with Neil Josten. Andrew hated it. “Fucking reporters.”

“Thought you got kicked off press duty for a while after you told that reporter to carry around a plant to replace the oxygen they waste.”

“I did--- for a few weeks. I wasn’t  _ technically _ supposed to be interacting with them today. They were just there and bothering me.” Neil sighed again, returning to fiddling with Andrew’s fingers. The feeling of Andrew’s hand directly on his skin was losing its soothing effects. “It wasn’t that bad, really. They were just being nosy like usual. I’m--” He cut himself off before finishing his sentence. No lies. They didn’t lie to each other. That was just a more difficult habit to kick. For the most part, Neil truthfully told Andrew how he felt, whether or not he cared to explain, it was just instinctual to slink back into the middle ground with  _ “I’m fine.” _

Andrew slipped his hand out from under Neil’s hoodie, finding their clasped hands and stilling Neil’s fingers. “Neil.”

With his fingers forced to stop moving under Andrew’s hand, Neil’s next reaction to the growing unease in his chest was shaking his leg. He needed some way to rid himself of the energy running through him. “Drew?”

“What do you need, Love?”

Love. Neil clenched his hands into fists, pulling at the fabric of the hoodie. There was no reason the name should have made him feel any differently. Andrew despised pet-names aside from that one, so it wasn’t uncommon for Andrew to call Neil Love. Neil had heard it enough that he should be used to it, immune to the sentimentality of it. And yet, he felt his chest and throat tightening as the single word, and the tenderness of Andrew’s voice, sliced through the fragile string that had been holding him together.

Andrew wrapped both his arms around Neil, holding him closer. There was no shaking, no tears, but Andrew could feel Neil’s unmasked exhaustion all the same. Neil held onto Andrew’s arms, sinking back against Andrew as much as he could, needing to feel the unwavering support behind him. There was never a flicker of doubt that Andrew wouldn’t be there--- he’d been willing, a five foot even goalie with a temper, to protect Neil  _ and _ Kevin from the mafia, a stressful day wasn’t anything Neil doubted Andrew would handle.

“I’m just--” He hesitated, trying to find the right words.  _ Tired, done, fucking on edge _ . Those weren’t right, no matter how true. He shook his head and closed his eyes.

“Just what?” Andrew prompted, managing to sound impartial despite the ever present worry. Neil shook his head again, still unsure of what to say. Andrew ghosted kisses along what he could reach of his jaw. “Talk to me, Josten.”

He didn’t know how to talk. Talking had never been an option until Palmetto and the Foxes. True, he was getting better at not throwing false reassurances around and actually expressing himself, but it was slow going and unnatural. But Andrew wanted words. “Learn that from Bee?”

“Yes. I did. It hasn’t been effective when she says it, though.”

Neil willed away the electricity that threatened to take control of him until the only thing he could possibly do was run. He didn’t want to run anymore. Andrew had told him not to run anymore. Andrew had told him to stay, given him keys and a reason to stay. Running wasn’t an option anymore. It wasn’t even supposed to be a desire anymore. Neil had a life. He had a real, legal name, an apartment, two little creatures who depended on him to live, people he considered family,  _ Andrew. _ He had everything he needed and wanted. He wanted to stay put, to listen to Andrew and face everything head on instead of disappearing.

Andrew’s hand on his cheek, tilting his head to look at Andrew, dulled the need to run but didn’t extinguish it fully. Andrew didn’t say anything, just looked at Neil. Neil looked back, terrified if he looked away he would lose whatever kept him from bolting. His fingers twitched under Andrew’s free hand.

Finally, “You haven’t needed to run from anything in quite some time. Assuming you don’t antagonize a journalist with a murder streak, you won’t need to again. You’re safe.”

Andrew’s words echoed around them. Neil knew they were true, had been for years. The burning that had spread from the surface of his skin to just under it was a reaction to a situation. A response coming from years of trauma. There was no need to run. Sir was asleep by their feet, King was asleep by their heads, and Andrew was so very close. Safe. Of course he was safe.

As soon as Neil began to shift, Andrew loosened his hold on him. Neil’s body urged him to stand up and leave, to take the car and just  _ go _ but he didn’t. He turned himself around in Andrew’s arms so he was facing Andrew and could have his arms around him. There was a firm hand on the back of his neck the moment he stopped shifting. The press of another hand on his lower back, holding him against Andrew, added to the silently assured safety.

“I’m so tired, Andrew.” It was a whisper, breathed against Andrew’s neck. It barely sounded like Neil at all. Far more drained than before. More vulnerable and shaky.

The rawness of Neil’s voice was painful. Many things Andrew had previously thought incredibly foolish or dangerous had made their way into his life through Neil. Affection and care for one another. Caring, Andrew had learned, meant getting hurt. That didn’t mean his heart didn’t ache just the slightest to hear Neil so… Not-Neil.

Andrew pulled Neil closer, kissing his temple briefly. “I know. You can rest now, Love. I’ve got you. You’re okay.”

Neil trusted Andrew. Andrew had never backed away from Neil before, there was no reason to believe he’d let Neil down. So Neil pressed closer to Andrew, burying his face in the soft spot where his shoulder met his neck, hands curling in Andrew’s shirt on his sides. He let his eyes fall closed, matching his breathing with Andrew’s.

_ You’re okay. _

_ I’ve got you. _

_ You can rest. _

_ Stay. _

_ Love _ .

Words drifted between them, smoothing down the rougher edges as Andrew carefully worked the tension out of Neil’s shoulders with strong, practiced fingers. Neil couldn’t help but melt against him, the painful burn of his flesh being driven out by Andrew’s promises and touches.

They weren’t each other’s answers.

They never would be.

An answer meant some kind of solution. A fix. Gentle words and touches were little bits of help. Smiles and kisses were reason to stay in place and keep from turning to run. Andrew was Neil’s motivation, his help, just as much as Neil was Andrew’s. There was no fixing, no questions being answered. Just the storm and the aftermath.

The cats eventually jumped off the sofa, stretching out in different positions on the floor and coffee table. Neil kept his head on Andrew’s shoulder, hands finding their way under Andrew’s shirt with permission. Andrew whispered the same words over and over, his hands in Neil’s hair, brushing across his skin, pressing down on the back of his neck. Between words and shuttering breathes, lingering kisses were placed.

The need to run had ebbed away until Neil could feel without pain. Andrew was warm and steady against him. He turned his head just enough to kiss Andrew’s collarbone. “Thank you.”

Andrew didn’t respond, only brushed his fingers through Neil’s hair.

“I think I’m more tired now than I was before,” Neil said, yawning against Andrew’s shoulder. There was movement but Andrew kept his hand on Neil’s back to keep him from pulling away so Neil didn’t even bother opening his eyes. Heavy warmth fell over him, draped over his shoulders and farther down Andrew’s legs. The added warmth made his thoughts fuzzier and harder to pin down.

Luckily, Andrew said, “Get some sleep, Neil.” And there was no need to think anymore. He let himself slip into rest with the feeling of Andrew’s own even breathing fanning across his cheek and Andrew’s arms around him.


End file.
